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over now

over now

You and me, we started so energetically.
Perfectly matched together.
Magnificent. Hopeful and radiant.
I had the feeling that we were creating something, new, exploring, going off the beaten track, daring, doing it.
We went wrong once before.
Yet, we found each other again.
However, it was no longer as before.
I did my best, I believe you too.
But the enthusiasm was gone. What once was, was. Past perfect tense.
I felt insecure and looked for the passion of what had been.
I never knew where I was with you. Struggled with it.
I failed you. Got enough signals from you. Which I elegantly ignored.
I’m more sorry than I can write.
You and I were not a match in heaven, so to speak.
I wanted too much and you too little. I met all of your boundaries.
It frustrated me.
The result was that I sometimes challenged you on purpose.
I ran into your limits, which I knew existed. Intelligence is sexy, don’t play stupid.
And then suddenly I went too far.
I knew it.
I felt it.
I was expecting it.
Despite the disappointment. That we didn’t succeed, I’m glad that we briefly were in each others lives.
I now know how not to do it. Thanks to you.
Bitter sweet symphony.
Thank you for what I learned from you.
Instagram, over and out.

In the night of Friday 26 October on Saturday 27 October 2018, Instagram has permanently deleted my account for the second time. Three in a row, but not for blogporn. I want to thank everyone who followed me, for the shared passion and perhaps so much more than that. Hold tight. Of each other. Always. And no matter what.

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All artwork by Puck Rietveld

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